no more oatmeal!

I will avoid doing so many things ever since we've broken up! and though I love you, miss you, and would love to be with you again, I know the only way to get over you is to avoid doing things that remind me of you! Others may find the items funny but I know that you understand... like I may never eat oatmeal again! raisins, land o lakes butter and cut almonds will have to ask permission to enter my house. I will avoid hand washing any dishes and go back to dish washer only! I can never watch another season of prison break or lost and I really liked both of those shows! But it's cool ,I will live, its probly for the best! it really only coated my feelings to try and put my heart to rest! there are some changes I like and will keep a part of me! like protein after every workout and no more chocolate candy! I love the brazilian waxes once a month keeps it neat, I'll continue to wear slippers underneath my pretty feet! Maybe 1 day I can combine the 2 although I know it will be impossible to accomplish them, without thinking of you!

face reality!

It's every morning when I wake up I feel like I'm reliving the moment over and over again. the moment where we broke up. before I wake up I dream and for the 4 to 6 hours that I actually sleep, I dream of you and I together again. And 4 to 6 hours is a long time in dream world. I dream of you still holding me, still cherishing me, still loving me. I dream of all rights and no wrongs. I dream of us dancing to our favorite song. I dream of the things that we use to do, places we use to go, people we have met. and I marinate in them. For as long as I can. then I wake up, and I'm forced to face reality.

I can't make you love me!

The way I feel about you I just can't shake. It might seem premature but my love aint fake. I didn't plan to be here at this time crying these tears and writing this rhyme. But I know it's real, it's gotta be true, cuz time can't pass on the clock without me thinking about you. I mess up constantly, I'm not good at this at all. I can't say I'm spotless I'm 1 big flaw! I'm constantly learning and maybe it's because I'm young. but I don't want to lose you and maybe that's because I'm sprung. I can control my attitude and my actions, not yours you see. I can't press you to stay,I can't make you love me!

how it started!

so everyone goes through something emotionally breath taking. we all deal with it in many different ways to cope. my way will be this blog. i will write what i feel,rather than acting it out through anger,shame,or disappointing others.and a lot of the stuff i write might not be written in the correct form that your 5th grade English teacher would want it in.but who cares,its my blog my feelings,my life!plus i really only want one person to get what Im saying,and he knows who he is!